Compromised
I thought I'd gotten over my fear of you.
Don't get me wrong, you're still the most fucked individual I know,
And I know quite a few you fucked/up yourself,
But I still thought I had.
I knew I'd gotten over my fear of you.
Even though I watched his eyes get dim as you bled his life away.
Even though there were entire days that I couldn't walk.
I still thought I had.
Turns out, my fears are
The fine lines you get from laughing
That you don't let anyone but me see you get,
The way you know just what I'm thinking
Even if I haven't even thought it yet,
The softening of your voice when it's just us,
And your smirk that greets my rage.
It's the tightening in my chest when we touch,
And the cold metal bars to this cage.
My fears are gasps,
Emotions left unchecked,
My mind as it comes untethered
And runs away with you
How silly to think that I could ever fear you.
There's nothing you could do
That my mind hasn't already tortured me with the idea of.
I may think of you as my personal hell,
But I built it myself.
We've painted our own cages, you and I
Trapped of our own devise
How useless to blame you
For a mind this compromised
04/2021